"Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric." - Bertrand Russell

I think back to my youth (not that I feel I have left my youth...but rather, my younger days) and how "odd" or "eccentric" I thought I was. The strange thoughts I had. The strange ideas. And how I hated myself for being "different". Like there was some kind of "sameness" OUT THERE that I had failed to grow-up into...conform to. Now I am glad for all my differences and almost regret much of the "sameness" that I have assimilated. My own urges to "fit in" and to "belong" have mellowed and shaped and smoothed many of my rougher edges. And, although those rought edges needed some smoothing, they were also a part of who I was/am. My uniqueness. My vision. My art. My being. Now that I am older...and one hopes: wiser - I long to return to that former, rougher, unrefined self. Those raw, sharp edges gave me something. A sense of identity. I remember an early collection of poems I wrote: ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING IN (published early 1980s) and how trite and cliched they were...but at the same time, they were honest, early reflections from my particular point-of-view. The compelling urge to conform itself, must be fought and stayed! To really appreciate who were are...all of our ackwardness, geekiness, strangeness...this is the blessing of who we each are. I think too of all the other 'odd-balls' I remember from school. Were they special, gifted, odd? Yes...but in the pejorative way that was suggested then? Perhaps...but then again, as Bertrand Russell suggests, maybe these were future geniuses. I recently watched most of THE SOLOIST with Robert Downey Jr. and Jamie Foxx -- a story about a violinist/cellist who becomes increasingly taken over by his schizophrenia. He survives on the edges of life. Living on the street and performing under freeway overpasses. Downey Jr.'s character - a reporter for the Los Angeles Times - trys to "save" him and normalize him. But I remember one of the counsellors he brings him to suggests that Foxx's character and all the others under his care have had enough drugs, therapy and labels. There is an inherent suggestion that their reality is real and right and appropriate for them...and that the problem is "us" - society - for rejecting them and estranging them to the streets and fringes. What an interesting concept. How much have we disposed ourselves. What is a mid-life crisis, but a momentary wake-up call to re-assess our lives. What happened to us? To our lives? Our potential? Our youth? What is YOUTH anyway? Is it only "age" or is a state of being? Of being "new," "open," willing to examine, question and postulate new, strange and eccentric ideas? I think it is as much the latter as the former, it's just the "young" have not had all their rough edges and eccentricities smoothed out and suppressed. So here is to YOUTH, to ECCENTRICITY and to being ALIVE AND OPEN MINDED...

"When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge." - Tuli Kupferberg

I have recently ended a nearly six year long relationship and my whole life has shifted/changed/altered/transformed.

Its odd how a relationship is like a constellation...a universe. There is the SUN and the planets that revolve around it. There are stars shining out in the far distance...but one's whole world is there...circling around the sun...and all the other planets fall into a pattern, an orbit around it. Holding it in place. Circling in a familiar axis. Rising, falling, rising, falling. And then there is a tilt...a crack...a Big Bang...and everything is different.

I have recently experienced this BIG BANG. And although the shifts and transformations have been significant, and the events leading up to it, momentous...the post trauma of this cataclysmic shift has been fantastically positive. I have been jettisoned out of my old orbit into new terrain. I am rediscovering MYSELF. Making new connections. Circling and floating in a new universe. I am my own SUN, MOON and STARS!

It is total freedom...with no fear, no pain and no regret.

All is good in the universe and anything and everything we fear is fruitless. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen and all there is for US to do/be/have is to be ourselves. To be integral. To be our HIGHEST and BEST selves. And deal with and surpass our circumstances.

"Luck? I don't know anything about luck. I've never banked on it and I'm afraid of people who do. Luck to me is something else: hard work..."

"Luck? I don't know anything about luck. I've never banked on it and I'm afraid of people who do. Luck to me is something else: hard work -- and realizing what is opportunity and what isn't." - Lucille Ball


Wow! Good old red-headed Lucille Ball. She sure knew how to make 'em laugh. And sure knew how to work hard. I always remember her fondly. Although I am too young to have watched her in real time on I LOVE LUCY, I do remember (vaguely) growing up to The Lucille Ball Show -- and of course, I did eventually see almost all of the original b&w show in reruns and rebroadcasts. I mean, who hasn't.

I remember, too, reading her autobiography as a child. She fascinated me. She and Desi worked very hard and parlayed their talents and skills into their own company - DesiLu Productions (?) - and from there they bought the old RKO film company. I think at one point, they and there companies were a very BIG deal in Hollywood.

She was a consumate performer/artist/comedian...lady! And a decidedly hard worker.

I think about that "era" - post depression/pre&post war and there was definitely a different "work ethic" at rule. People expected to work hard and they also seemed to expect a regular life. Nobody had visions of grandeur. They wanted a house and kids and the white picket fence and maybe a tv and car! And all of that was the BIG dream.

Now everybody dreams of being a rock star, movie star, fashion designer...in short: a CELEBRITY. I don't think there were "celebrities" back then. There was normal people and a few movie stars. It was a small pantheon. No reality tv shows. No 24-hour infomercials. No famous for being famous types...per se. You worked hard and you lived. And then a few people, by sheer grit, determination, hard work, know-how, talent and connections made it BIG.

Of course, BIG back then was really big compared to the average. Also, there wasn't any taxes or very few at certain times. For instance, pre-Lucille Ball and looking at the Mary Pickfords/Douglas Fairbanks, et al, when they formed United Artists and were earning $1,000,000 per movie -- that was HUGE money. Pre-tax! That might be like earning $100,000,000 now...at least in it's spending power.

Nowadays, everybody suffers from entitlement-envy/expectation. Somehow, people (esp. younger people) think that stardom and fame/fortune/success is just going to fall in their laps AND they deserve it. Even if they do nothing! And sometimes they are right. With all of the internet and tv reality bullshit, people have gotten famous for absolutely no reason. I am not sure how successfully they have parlayed that success into anything lasting or profitable. But they have attained a certain degree of 'celebrity'!

But back to Ms. Ball's thesis: "...I am afraid of people who do..." bank on luck. I remember working late at the office one night and someone walked by and said to my colleague: "Oh, you are working late!" And she turned to me and say, sarcastically: "Yeah, it's all luck!" She is/was one of the hardest working people I know. And although she is taking a "little" more time off than before, it is still a) after 26-years of working hard and b) not much less than where she was before and still much more than the average.

Working hard and striving for your goals, dreams, aspirations is good for you...good for your soul and good for your bank account. It's even good for the economy. You are bringing up the economy and the national income average as well as efficiency for the whole GNP. You are a star! And you deserve all the luck that comes out of your hard work!

Time to go running! :)